Past Self: A Small Note

Other than the post about my cancer and how things are.  I plan to fill this blog with random bits of...well, anything that strikes me to write about.  I've discovered loads of different things at Pintrest, journal prompts, challenges, and many other things.  The only thing you're likely not to find in here are a ton of pictures.  Anything like that my family will have and are of course personal.  So, with that in mind don't be too surprised when you find a random post that has nothing at all to do with my current health, but I will make note of it if anything big happens.

What did you want to be as a child, and how does that compare to how you define yourself now? 
As a child I spent a good deal of time in and out of hospitals for a condition I had.  That I later was on a clinical study for at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda, Maryland.  On top of that my aunt was also working to become a nurse.  So naturally, I wanted to be a nurse.  For a very long time that was the single driving force for what I wanted to be.  Didn't matter what other jobs sounded appealing to me, it was nurse or nothing!  Right out of high school, I attended a year long course to be come a medical assistant.  To me, it was the first stepping stone to becoming a nurse.  

Easy enough right, they roomed patients, did the vital signs, and just assisted the rest of the clinic staff where needed.  No problem, all things I could easily do.  Save for two, tiny little things, that I thought wouldn't bother me as a nurse since they had no effect on me as the patient.  Drawing other peoples blood, and the worst timing of all gag reflexes.  Sad isn't it, I was so worried about hurting the other person who's blood I was taking that I just couldn't manage it.  In class, when we tried it, I had left the tourniquet on too long and made a mess.  As for the gagging issue, well it doesn't look to good when you're trying to take someones throat culture and you are the one gagging before them.

Turns out, I am not nursing material.  After that I did some odd jobs here and there, medical assembly, general assembly, and the dreaded world of retail.  Even went back to school to try my hand at medical coding and billing.  Surely I could handle working the office side of medicine.  That also was a bust, and I landed myself back in retail.  Five years of that, and then the cancer hit and I went through that whole mess.  Tried again to go back to work when we thought everything was good and gone.  This time at another assembly job that I was very happy to have.  Well, as you know the cancer came back, and I am officially and permanently disabled.
 
 

If you could write a letter to your 15 year old self, what would you say?


First and foremost I would tell my younger self to reconsider other job options.  I remember back then thinking that working with computers would be a good way to go.  Perhaps a chef or cook book author since I enjoyed cooking, and had loved to look through all manner of cook books.  I also would tell myself to practice Spanish more, and maybe when done with that learn another language that I wanted to know.  That way I could travel around the world and experience many different things.  Learn more about a countries history and culture.  All things that I would have loved to do.

I also would have told myself, not to let myself get stuck in the 'nurse rut'.  That there was more out there, I just had to look for it.  Not to let my desire to escape from my father's house be the thing that pushed me to go to college right out of high school in the first place.  I should have thought it over, considered a lot more things about my future before jumping on the first opportunity that looked like it would get me out that door.  Should have thought of where I wanted to be five years down the road, or maybe even ten.

Keep better track of your health too.  Hind sight and all that.  Remember what I said about all those doctors as a kid? Yeah...as a teen, and an adult unless I was in pain so bad I couldn't stand it, guess who avoided them like the plague.  Something I definitely regret now, always wondering if I could have caught the cancer sooner.  Would it be gone for good now if I had?  What sign did I miss? Or was it just gonna happen this way anyway, the ultimate challenge from God?  Like I said before thought, challenge accepted, sir.  I will fight! I will not give up! I am going to live and enjoy my life for as long as you are so inclined to let me enjoy it!